Exposure, part 4
By: Chocolate-chan

Bra was alright, but her leg was in a brace for a while afterward. I spoiled her a little more than usual, even leaving Goten's
company to tend to her.
One night I did such and came back to my room to find Goten laying on my bed, apparently asleep. I sighed; I had promised him
I would watch a movie with him. I lay by him instead, and was only mildly surprised when he opened his eyes to me.
"Sorry," I muttered.
"I understand." He looked at me silently for a long moment.
"You're still thinking about it, aren't you."
Goten nodded a bit. "I know it was a coincidence, but it didn't leave me feeling good."
I rolled onto one side and draped my arm across him, watching him. "I guess I was scared. I don't know." I pushed him onto his
back as he spoke, my hand burying itself in his hair and pushing it back. "What's that look for?"
"What look?" I asked, taking in his expression. "It kind of made me mad."
Goten all but gaped at me. "Trunks-kun, everything makes you mad." His eyes were disturbingly large as he regarded me.
"Does that make you uncomfortable?" I asked.
"Not particularly," Goten said after a moment's thought. I grinned and nuzzled my face against his, and Goten at last laughed at
me. "I'm glad."
"What?"
"I'm glad," he repeated, and held me close with an earnest look. "For us."
"What are we going to do when we have to tell our parents?" I asked, touching on a thing that had been bothering me.
"What are we supposed to do? They won't just let us......" Goten trailed off.
"They don't even love each other!" I insisted, feeling annoyed.
"Maybe they do," Goten suggested softly. His brows knit above his troubled eyes. "I don't know."
"Is it them or us?"
"I don't know. Why do we have to bother with them at all?" I must have been rubbing off on him, because Goten seemed
annoyed that we couldn't simply go on our way.
"You mean you want to just keep it from them?" I asked, not having expected to hear such a thing from Goten.
Goten sighed and pushed me up off of him and rolled onto his stomach, ignoring me even when I lay against him again.
"Goten-chan?"
"I don't care," he insisted petulantly.
I sighed softly and turned away, looking up at the ceiling. What to do?

My...... parent..s... didn't really understand why Goten always slept in my room, spending the days in his own and creeping into
my bed at night. Goku didn't particularly care, while Kaa-san shrugged it off. I guess if Bra knew anything she assumed he had
lots of nightmares.
They had been married for four months now. Everything had its nicely structured routine. Goku trained a whole lot. Being used to
it, Mom didn't particularly mind. But Goku took up a lot less time training than Tou-san ever did, and he spent a lot of time with
my mom. I didn't really think about it unless she was working, frowning in concentration when he walked in the room, but she was
quite a bit older than him. To add to it, Goku always looked happy and stuff... much as innocent as Goten looked when he was
asleep.
I sighed and brushed his messy hair from his face. He clung to the front of my shirt and snuggled into me a bit as he felt my touch.
I couldn't help but smile. Even deep in sleep, he was totally sweet. I laid a kiss on his lips and laced my fingers into his fists,
loosening his grip and moving away at the same instant. Goten curled into himself in the suddenly less warm surroundings.
I looked out the window. It had been threatening to snow all day, and now the first flakes of the season had begun to fall. Goten
always loved the snow, and I thought of waking him, but was unwilling to wake him when he was looking so adorable. I pulled
the quilt around him tighter, the one I always kept near my bed for no particular reason. He loved it; if I left I often came home to
find that he had abducted it for his own use. He slept in my bed when I was gone. I'm not sure why.
I moved over to look out the window, but that turned my thoughts inward. I went to my desk and picked up an exactoknife I was
using in my blueprints for my class on architectural studies. I spread the blueprints as I clicked the low light a little brighter, settling
down to do the project I had been putting off. Well, Kaa-san and Goku-san had been gone the whole weekend, and taken
Bra-chan with them, leaving me alone to enjoy Goten.....
Goten's company, that's what I meant to say. After her initial resistance, Bra had grown to like Goku. The two really hadn't had
much interaction before, but Goku loved nothing more than to have his step-daughter and his granddaughter together and play,
getting Goten and I with if he could. Bra found quite a companion in Goku. I often felt too old for her antics, but Goku was as
childish as she. I suppose that was his best and worst quality.
I pressed hard along the lines with my blade, feeling the over-used edge give slightly when I tried to use the sharp point. I sighed
and opened one of my drawers, searching for something to cut the end of the blade and expose a new sharp surface. As I failed
to find it in the first drawer, I opened the next. Inside, silver glinted. I took it out; a picture of Goten and I. I dimly recalled shoving
it in there as I cleaned the desk off the other day, reminding myself to pull it out when I was done. Goten... distracted me before
that point.
It was a picture of the two of us from the wedding. I remember Goku leaving the position of best man up for grabs, seeing as how
he had two ...and a half, kinda... sons. I demurred, and think Gohan and Goten must have had a competition of sorts. Goten
came in all bloody and announced that Gohan was the best man. I wasn't sure why he wanted to encourage them in the first place,
but for once he wasn't thinking about he and I.
"But I digress..." I said softly to myself as I stretched. I leaned back in my chair and rubbed at the bridge of my nose.
When is he going to think about us? I didn't want to say that Goten was avoiding the issue, because I hadn't exactly pressed it
either. But when I asked him about telling our parents, he shrugged. I suppose I had a couple of times as well, but still... it wasn't
his problem, it was our problem.
I turned slightly, setting the picture on my desk again. We both looked pretty dorky. My hair does not go with black in this
picture; it usually doesn't when I go black-and-white. Goten of course matched perfectly except for the fact that his dark eyes
shone far brighter than the fabric. My arm was around him; he had a cute look on his face. Reason enough to display it.
I searched through until I found the necessary tools, and when I sported a sharp blade again I pressed it to the paper. Even as it
bit through, I laid it down and moved to the window.
I glanced back at Goten as he shifted softly, and then turned. The flakes had increased in number, and there might be just enough
for one snowball on the ledge of my balcony in the morning.
I crossed my arms and stared at the darkness beyond the glass. After a moment I found my focus on my own reflection. I
suddenly thought of Tou-san. I stood with my feet apart, arms crossed, and there was no visible expression on my face. If I
leaned my chin up a little... there it was.
Whenever someone mentioned him, Kaa-san looked at me and appeared sad for a moment. On the flip side, when someone
mentioned Chichi, Goku had a tendancy to scratch his head and smile sadly and blankly at the ground as he turned and walked
away. Personally, I thought they had jumped a little too quickly into this marriage thing.
What did I know? How eager had I been to jump into Goten's arms? That was different. I had already been... crushed,
infatuated, struck, and every other form of straight up-and-down "in love" there was, with him, for him, for a long time. It was like
for them, all of a sudden they couldn't stand to be less than a complete family, so they conveniently decided they were in love to
secure that.
Don't take it wrong; I don't hold anything against them at all. Goku can be pretty cool when he wants, if such a gene exists in his
bloodline. But I often see Goku-san and Kaa-san together, casual, and I wonder what Tou-san would say.
What would you say to me, Father? Me and Goten.... It didn't matter. None of it did. Not how Vegeta would feel, not how
Goku and Bulma felt, not even....
"Shit," I said, throwing myself straight backward into the chair I'd rolled over to the window. "This isn't working anymore."
I don't know. I was really confused at the moment. There was soft movement in the room, a fan clicked slightly as it turned to
blow a different direction. Tou-san had always liked it hotter than normal in the house. So did Goku. Must be a racial thing. It
was too warm for me and my... I bit my lip. ...Cold-blooded self. I heard the fan shuffle softly at the other side and reverse its
direction.
"Godammit..." Somehow the many dirty words I'd learned from my father over the years, in both Japanese and Saiyan standard,
as well as what little "street English" I'd picked up helped ease my frustration. It was comforting. Maybe that's why Mom caught
me swearing so much in the lab; it blew past my negative emotions in one cleansing burst and left only the problem at hand to be
considered.
A hand dropped onto my shoulder without warning. It took all I had not to leap. I could see Goten's sleep-rumpled silhouette in
the window. "Why are you swearing, Tru-chan?"
"No reason." I said lightly. "Thinking about Tou-san."
"Ahh.." Goten said, though it really didn't clear anything up. I reached up and laid a hand on his.
"It's snowing," I told him.
"Really?" Goten turned his attention toward the window for the first time, and seemed pleased. "Sugoi! We'll have to have a little
playtime in the morning."
"It is morning," I informed him, pointing over at a clock that more or less bore the right time.
"And I'm awake... damn." Goten snapped with one hand and sighed. "Ah well." He came around my chair and lowered himself
into my lap. He quickly made himself comfortable, pulling his long legs to drape over the arm of the chair as his arms found an
awkward-looking yet comfortable position around me.
I couldn't help but smile when he closed his eyes in apparent satisfaction with life, and I brought one arm to hold him up a little
better, the other hand going through his soft hair almost absently.
"Turn around, Trunks... I can't see the window." I refrained from remarking that his eyes were closed, but I turned to the side so
that we both had a fair view. "Domo," he yawned.
I happened to glance down and saw that the quilt had been abandoned on the floor. I managed to get it up without dropping
Goten, and pulled it around him. "This one's your favorite, isn't it?" He nodded slightly. "How come?"
Goten opened his eyes and flushed half a shade darker than his normal. If I hadn't known him so well I wouldn't have noticed.
"You always keep this one close to you."
"I guess." It usually sat on the end of my bed or over a chair or somewhere in my room.
"It smells like you." Goten closed his eyes and leaned against me again. I think I felt a bit warmer in the face for a few moments,
and I passed a hand over his soft cheek, breathing him in slowly. Soft hair, soft skin, soft eyes... damn, everything about him was
too damn cuddly.
"What do I smell like?" I asked, a bit curious.
Goten blinked up at me. "Trunks."
"What?" His forcefulness with my name was unexpected.
"You smell like Trunks. I don't have any other explaination." I chuckled a bit.
"Okay," I said. I let him lay there in my arms, until he skittered along the edge of unconsciousness, easing back and forth between
sleep and waking; until he finally found a comfortable position for his head, face in my neck, and dropped into complete sleep.
The hours melted together, and even when my lap was numb, it was warm and I didn't want to let him go. Awareness of reality
seeped back into me somewhere around the pre-sunrise hours. Not as refreshing, that mental numbness, as sleep, but close. I
glanced down at Goten who had sprawled into a somewhat more free position on my lap. I picked him up awkwardly as I rose,
intending to tuck him into my bed. I hadn't realized how cold it had gotten in the room, and Goten's skin was cool to the touch.
Onyx-colored eyes blinked up at me as I suppose he felt the movement. "Tru-chan?"
Something about the sound of that endearment from his lips always made me feel more tender toward him. He had used it before,
on occasion, but it seemed to denote further intimacy between us as he had taken up using it more often, especially in the past
four months.
"Are you stiff?" I smiled vaguely at him as I stood in the middle of the room with him in my arms, feeling only slightly absurd. "You
should be. I was just going to put you back where you could get some sleep. It's cold out, and you're just going to sleep in
anyway."
Goten rubbed his eyes, and I shifted him slightly. His physique made him heavy, the finely-built muscles put in place by careful
training. But he was always so slender, for as long as I could remember; the strength of his embrace and the slightness of him in
my arms always delighted me.
"But we were going to play when it got morning..." He seemed to be pouting.
"It's too cold out for all the snow to melt, even by midday."
"Sleep with me, then." Goten said. I dropped his feet down gently until he stood, reaching for me. I held him back and laid a kiss
on the bridge of his nose. "I know you didn't sleep. You can't fool me."
I answered his sleepy frown with a slight smile, one brow raised. "How do you know? You were sawing some pretty big logs."
Goten's brows went down, knitting over his eyes. I don't think he needed to answer, anyway. Kami, he looked like his father with
that face! His arms tightened around my neck as his frown grew into something near a suspicious glare, and from his grip I didn't
think he would let me go, either way.
"Goten-" I began, but then cut myself off and shook my head.
"Tell me what's bothering you," he entreated softly.
I sighed. "The same thing as always." His brow creased slightly. "I want to tell them."
"Fine, you tell them."
"Go with me," I insisted, scowling. "Don't give me your sarcasm."
"Sorry," he said meekly.
"Goten...." I sighed, and pressed fingertips to my temple in thought. "For months we've avoided it. Do you not want them to know
about us?"
"It's not just me," he said defensively, pulling away and picking up the discarded quilt and wrapping it around himself as he fought
off a shiver. He frowned at the floor as he rubbed his arms slowly.
"I know it's not just you. Did I say it was just you?" I tried to relax my pose. I didn't like getting into conflicts with him over
anything. "I just get tired of hiding from them. Don't you?"
"Yeah..." he said slowly, glancing sidelong at me and then lowering his chin slightly.
"Saa?"
"I just don't think it would go over well. You're my brother now. I don't want them trying to keep us apart. I'd rather be with you
without them knowing than lose you." Goten muttered this all, looking away from me.
"I think they'd understand, Goten. Or they'd try."
"But admit that it could go either way."
"Okay, I admit it." I sighed and ran a hand back through my head, pressing my palm to my forehead for a moment. "It's just that I
think about it a lot. It really bothers me."
"I'm sorry," Goten said, looking at me now. "If I've caused you any uncertainty."
I found myself wanting to stay at odds with him, or leave the room or something, and conversely, inexplicably, just wanting to hold
him in my arms and kiss all the words away. I settled for standing very still in the middle of the room with my arms crossed,
steadily blowing out a stream of air as I collected my thoughts. "No, I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"It's my fault we're in this position in the first place. I pushed you..."
"What are you saying?" Gotem's face went kind of wide-eyed and blank.
"In the beginning. You told me once you hadn't thought of me that way, and here I come to ruin it...."
"Trunks..." Goten's brows lowered as he smiled, almost seeming to focus the rather small smile with the force of his concentration.
"When did I say that?"
"I don't know; some time a little after the wedding, I think..."
"Do you have any idea how much champagne I drank at the wedding?"
I was brought up short. Being too young to legally drink alcohol, and being Chichi's son, I hadn't really thought about it. He used
to be such a good boy. If he had drank, I hadn't noticed. Would Goku let him drink? My mom had let me, mostly on a
don't-ask-don't-tell basis. Maybe I had been too messed up to notice.
I couldn't help squinting slightly at him. "Does your Dad know you drink?"
"I don't drink," Goten said with a shrug.
"Does he know you drank?" I speared him with my best You-know-what-I-mean glower.
He kept that slight smile and accompanied it with a shrug. Deciding only to keep a closer eye on him, I returned to the previous
conversation. "So you did..."
"Did what?" That thread of conversation was already lost in his memory.
"You did think of me? Romantically, I mean?"
Goten flushed deeply all of a sudden, and looked down as he shuffled. "Well, no, I didn't really think..." it was lost to mumbles.
Something in my chest fluttered slightly, evilly, at that expression. "What did you really do?" I sounded catty.
"I used to..." Goten shook his head suddenly. "I'm not telling you!"
"Why not?" I asked, innocently as I came to stand behind him after he turned his back on me. "Can't be as bad as some of the
stuff I've done..." I said, thinking back in embarrassment.
"Iie."
"Tell me," I wheedled, reaching out to tickle him, dragging him back against me as he giggled helplessly.
"Okay!" He shouted, and I swear I saw tears collecting at the corners of his eyes as he struggled against me.
"Okay, what?"
"I used to..." Goten turned his head away from me, still flushing, and I wrapped arms around his waist to make sure he didn't try
and make a dash for it. "I had dreams about you... really vivid, uh, sexual kind of dreams..."
I play-growled in his ear, and he laughed slightly. "Still don't have me beat."
"And, uh.."
"Yes?" I prodded, literally, poking him in the stomach until I heard him mutter something behind a cough. "Speak up?"
"I used to touch myself when I had those dreams, and I thought of you." I don't think Goten would ever recover from the
embarrassment, but I was a little gratified and more than a little aroused by it.
"Oh..huhm... was I good?"
"Well, you knew exactly what I liked..." he muttered darkly. I laughed aloud at him, and had to ignore him yelling, "Stop! That's
not funny!"
"It sure as hell is!" I laughed and let him go as he tried to land a punch in my gut. "Why don't we go outside and.. put a little snow
down your pants to cool you off?"
"I'll cool you off in a minute..."
I leaned forward and traced my tongue along his ear slowly, before pulling back enough to whisper, "Not at this rate..."
"Evil!" He tried to hit me and I ran out the door.

Goten loses all vestiges of maturity when he's in the snow. We grabbed something that Kaa-san said looked suspiciously like
candy bars for breakfast, and Goten stamped some boots on and struggled into his seldom-used winter coat as he hopped up and
down at the door waiting for me. "Hold on, be patient."
I went upstairs and invited Bra to play in the snow with us. Since we were going she had an excuse to go, and I helped her find
her coat and boots and herded her downstairs. Goten, surprisingly enough, was still waiting, but then again he probably had
known I was going for my sister. He was highly considerate of her, and hardly teased her now except in good fun.
There was more snow than I thought there would be. Goten and Bra took off out of sight before I could say anything, and there
was snow flying up into the air and drifting back down as they threw it and delighted in the powdery texture. I swear, sometimes
they are just alike.
They first made a very small snowperson, since there wasn't much snow out for that sort of thing, and it was starting to become
one of those crips cold days, where the air is so clear you can see from the top of a hill for miles. The sun shown down on the
snow despite the cold, and threatened to turn it to slush.
I managed to avoid any direct snow conflicts until Goten and Bra teamed up and pelted me with snowballs and I had to get a little
ugly. But Goten just laughed at me, with my sopping hair falling into my eyes, and Bra went off around the house for something
she could play with in the snow.
The moment she was out of sight, Goten leaped on me and brought me down into the snow, over the mild bank in the back, and
we landed with him on top. "Antisocial today, Trunks-kun? You don't like the snow?" He leaned down and kissed me, sending a
very noticeable warm shudder all the way to my toes, but I pushed at him until I could free myself.
"We shouldn't be doing that with my sister around..." Goten dragged me down and smushed my face into the snow.
"This is about the wonderful snow, not you!"
It's never about me.
"What?" Goten sat, waist-deep, in the snow and cocked his head and puppy eyes at me, hair and eyelashes nearly white.
Musta said that aloud.. I clamped my mouth shut quickly. "I didn't say anything."
"I heard you." Goten paused, and reached up a hand red from exposure and stupidity in the glove department, and brushed his
powdery hair back. "What's the matter with you lately?"
"Goten, I-" I threw my hands wide and wondered how I could explain to him what I didn't understand. "Let's take a walk."
"We gotta tell Bra," he began, but I interrupted him.
"And when we're walking, I want to hold your hand. I'll buy you lunch. How's that sound? We could make it a date. I want to
spend the rest of the day with you, just having fun."
Goten bit his lip lightly, looking down into his lap. I dropped to my knees in front of him and desperately wished for him to look
up at me again.
"And... when I'm with you, I want everyone to know you're mine... and I'm yours. I want to be able to kiss you whenever."
"I get the point," he said softly.
"Are you saying you don't want that?"
Goten's face was pale and red, cheekbones betraying the exposure that had taken the color from the rest of his face. "I do. It
sounds wonderful, Trunks; you know how much I love being with you." But he looked away still as though I'd made him guilty.
I pulled him to me abruptly, the two of us sprawling in the snowbank clumsily, tangled up. I cinched one arm around his waist and
pulled him up tight until his mouth met mine, and he went limp, melting into me.
He said my name softly, his hand splayed out wide against my chest, the other one crushed between and beneath us.
"Goten-" I bit my lip then, willing myself to let it go. It was a beautiful day, and we were together, and that would have to be
enough.
"It's hard. I never thought I'd have another woman as my mother." Goten pulled himself out of my embrace and sat up. "Even
Bulma-san. I never thought I'd have a sister. I never imagined that my best friend would become both my brother and my lover.
Somehow everything's stable, and it's..." he took a breath. "Scary, to disrupt that."
"I see," I said softly, rising and brushing myself off.
"What do you see?" Goten snapped. "I'm not done! I don't even know how to finish that. I just want you to know why it's difficult
for me..."
"You're saying that we're all getting along and you don't want to mess that up. It's easy to understand." My tone was a bit colder
than any other I'd heard in my own voice.
"Don't talk to me like that, dammit!" I turned and Goten was standing, legs bent at the knees as he glared at me, blinking
snowflakes from his eyelashes. "The hell with you!"
That last was Goten trying to burn off his annoyance, and I waited.
"I love you, okay? I don't know how it happened, but it did, and I won't give it up! I'm just..." he paused and dropped his
snow-dark head, and his fist. "I'm confused. And I don't want to make your mom mad at me..."
But I could understand why, on that one. Like I wouldn't go out of my way to antagonize Goku. They were the 'new parents' and
we didn't want them against us, almost by instinct.
"Go-chan..." I walked to him and gathered him against me, feeling his slightly warm breath against my neck as he laid his head on
my shoulder, eyes shut tight. I closed my eyes and rested my cheek against his, rubbing against the chilly skin gently. His hair was
wet, and my kisses explored his face, feeling damp eyelashes beneath my lips. His clothing was wet and we shivered together, as
my own hair sent drips down my cheek.
"Trunks?" His voice was a rough whisper, hiding his emotions deep.
"Yeah?"
"Can we go back to bed now?"
"Yeah..." I saw Bra coming around the corner, and told her to go see if Goku would play outside with her. Delighted, she ran
back into the house, and I felt Goten grip onto me tighter as we moved in, my arms still around him. I took him upstairs and put
him into a shower, climbing in with him at his insistance and holding him to me to wash him carefully, before pulling him out and
drying him off, putting him to bed. Somehow I felt a lot more drained as well, but then, I hadn't slept. I curled against him and
enjoyed the feel of him cuddling up with me in the soft blankets, bare skin pressed together. Goten's hands moved up into my hair,
burying themselves against my scalp and stroking, slowly putting me to sleep with his movements.

When I woke, it was my turn to find myself alone in bed, but I looked around the room, and when discovering that Goten wasn't
there, I simply curled up in the blankets that carried his scent. For some reason I shivered, even thought the sheets were still
warm. I slid my hand over to where he had lain, feeling that the sheets were cool there.
I felt foggy-headed, and pulled his pillow to my face, holding it to my chest and lying the side of my face on it. I had once
suggested that since he slept in my room nearly every night, why didn't he just move in there too? Of course, he had spotted my
tactic, since we would have to explain to Kaa-san and Goku-san, and he had changed the subject.
I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, impossible to miss from the high body temperature against my cold skin, and I jumped,
looking up. I didn't think anything at first when I saw Goten standing over me. Then something clicked in my head, and I realized it
was Goku, not Goten in my room.
"What are you doing here?" I yelped, sitting up.
"I knocked," Goku began, almost embarrassed. "I could sense you were awake, uhm..." He trailed off and scratched the back of
his head.
"I didn't hear you," I said, and sighed. "Alright, turn around or something." He did, and stood in the middle of the room as I went
to dress. "What did you need?"
"I just wanted to talk to you. You know, you and I haven't really had much conversation in the past four months."
And just what do you have to offer me conversationally? "What did you need?" I pulled my pants on and scavenged through
my drawers to find a t-shirt. I came up with a comfortable red and white CC and pulled it over my head.
As though sensing I was done, he turned and looked at me. "Alright, if you want to be antisocial..."
"Everybody in your family says I'm antisocial. I'm beginning to think it's just your family."
"No, your mother says you're antisocial too. Especially when you piss her off and she makes comments about Vegeta..."
"Anyway," I said sharply, crossing my arms.
"Uhm..." I appear to have scared Goku's limited thought processes away. He sits on my rumpled bed and smoothes out a section
with his hand, and he mumbles something like, "You really didn't need to do that. You look like him... it's scary."
I get a chill and convince myself immediately that it's because I'm barefoot. I step into my house slippers and pad over to stand in
front of him. I caught myself crossing my arms unconsciously, but didn't put them down, feeling somehow nervous when I tried to
think of what could be in his head.
I give him a moment to gather his thoughts before I think to ask again what it was he wanted to talk about. But instead what
comes out of my mouth is, "You weren't really scared of him, were you?"
"?" Goku looks up at me with that Goten-ish wide eyed look. I call it Goten's look because he was the first one I'd seen do it, and
it hadn't been until I'd seen father and son together for a long period of time that I saw him do it as well. "Vegeta?" He was the
only one who didn't call him 'Vegeta-san' except for my mother, and that was her right.
"Yeah..." You had a rather unique relationship with him. I didn't feel I needed to say it aloud.
"I remember one time..." Goku said, looking off just past me, "When Vegeta died on Namek, he told me that Freeza killed the
Saiyan people. I remember very clearly that he stated something along the lines of" Goku for ya, I thought at the uncertain
phrasing, "'Freeza killed my father and your father and you need to take revenge for it.' That was the only time I'd ever seen him
cry. So one time... I guess you were still just a little kid, I asked him what he knew about my father. It seems like every Saiyan
I've ever met, and Freeza, knew of me through him. I wanted to understand why. He actually stopped what he was doing and
told me what he'd heard once from a control operator on Freeza's ship. He'd asked Zarbon and Dodoria and they'd told Freeza
what he said, and he was punished. From that moment, when he spoke so well of Bardock, I stopped thinking of him as my
enemy or my eternal opponent or whatever he was trying to convince himself that we were."
"What do you mean?" I settled on the bed a little away from him, thinking about it.
"I wasn't really afraid of him, but I was never... really certain of him; I was trusting him with the well-being of one of my childhood
friends, one of the closest people to me, and he had already proved with Mirai Trunks that he wasn't naturally very much of a
father. He actually treated the poor boy like complete dirt, when Vegeta's attention was probably what the boy needed most." I
guess he saw me start to fidget, uncomfortable at the mention of this person I'd heard of off and on throughout my life. "So I was
never really sure that I could completely trust him around the people I cared about. But after that," he shrugged. He then donned
one particularly goofy smile that he shared with his son.
"Oh..." I looked away slightly.
"I wanted to ask about you and Goten," he said suddenly, startling me out of whatever thought-reverie I had been slipping into.
"What?"
"I guess if you didn't want to answer there's not really any way I could make you. Vegeta was like that too. But it just occurs to
me that you and he are... really getting close, and I wondered," he paused, taking a moment to slide his eyes over to me. "Just
how close are you?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, after putting down the strangle that wanted to come into my voice.
"I know he sleeps here. Is there something I need to know about?"
"Why are you asking me if you're concerned about your son?" This time I really was curious, cocking and eyebrow at him.
"He wouldn't tell me if something is wrong. I'm just asking you if there's some reason I should be worried about his well-being. If
there is, I wouldn't ask you any more; I'd go talk to him no matter how he felt. But I know you would be concerned about him as
well if something was wrong." He watched me closely as I turned my head aside to think.
"Oh..." I said, biting my lip as I thought about it. Is that all? "As far as I know, he's okay..."
"Oh?"
"Well, it hadn't really occurred to me... are you just worried about him because he comes here all the time?" I asked.
Goku nodded, smiling brightly when he discovered that I comprehended. Those fascinating points of hair bobbed slightly, but
generally seemed inflexible. I had watched my father's hair with much the same awe with which I was regarding Goku's.
"Well.." I said, still chewing at my lip. What would Goten want? I turned my eyes toward the window. "We talk a lot, and he...
often falls asleep here. I just leave him alone."
"That's a lie."
I turned my head in shock at the words. But when my gaze only fell on the back of Goku's head, I swiveled to the door... Goten's
face was collected, and Goku turned to look from him to me, saying, "Oh?"
I didn't answer him, looking at Goten. Is he?
"Your father was starting to become concerned," I told him neutrally.
Goten blinked at me, smiling almost wanly at me.
"What could you mean?" Goku wondered aloud.
"I... sleep here." Goten appeared to have braced himself.
"Why?"
"I don't want to sleep alone," Goten said, blinking slightly. Goku blinked back at him.
"...Why?"
"I like sleeping with Trunks better." Somehow I hadn't expected him to come out and say it.
Goku paused. "Well, if you wanted to share a room with Trunks, why didn't you say so?"
I fell off the bed and hit my head on the floor. Goten landed hard on his rear.
"Tou-san," Goten said, taking a breath to try again. "I sleep with Trunks."
"Okay," Goku said after a pause. "I guess if that's okay with him..."
He frowned heavily. I picked myself up from having my face smushed into the floor and sat in the desk chair. As though
determined to bring some reaction from his father, Goten insisted, "He's my lover."
Goku took a really, really long moment to look from Goten's slightly distressed and highly serious face to my probably rather
closed-off face. "And you're... joking?"
"No!"
Goku looked back at me again and then jumped up off of the bed as if just now thinking of it, moving casually away from it and
over toward the window, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah, okay... how long has this been going on now?"
I coughed and looked over at Goten, who seemed to be looking at me as though to say it was my turn. I crossed my arms and
threw one foot over my other knee. No fucking way.
"Hello?" Goku turned and looked at us.
"Since before the wedding," I volunteered at last.
Goku looked from one of us to the other. "Are you sure you're not joking?" He looked hopeful.
Goten made a disgusted sound. "Yeah Dad, we're joking." He waved a hand in dismissal and stalked from the room. I stared
after him for a long moment, almost sad. Goku turned and opened his mouth to say something to me, but I walked out without
waiting. I found myself on the way down to the lab, shuffling down the stairs and making my favorite shoe-noises as I thought to
myself.
"Trunks? Daijoubu?" My mother raised her head as I came in. A few of her engineers were with her.
"I guess." I sat down at a computer and stared blankly at the screen, which digested mathematical components.
"Hondoni daijoubu yo?" Her brows came down as she spoke this time, and she rose to speak to me, coming over and laying a
hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah," I sighed, blinking, registering the screen for the first time. "What's this?"
"It's our new project. It's quite the headcracker. We've been working on it for a few weeks with no success. It has to do with
data transfer rates in a certain alloy we commonly use here. Dull stuff."
I blinked at it. "And here..." I pointed. "This here, n², this is... the thickness of particle z in a filament with a thickness represented
by t³?"
"You understand this?" My mother asked me. Not a question of intelligence, a question of my research into the project. I called
up a corresponding screen and nodded at last.
Some of the engineers had been looking at me nervously, but seemed reassured by my understanding.
"This, Trunks, is your new baby."
I blinked once at it and reached in my pocket by reflex, discovering it was empty and looked around for my reading glasses. My
mother handed them to me and I immersed myself in numbers. It was so much more comforting than complex emotions. It was
solid and predictable. It didn't lie or misunderstand you.
I never noticed when my mother moved away or the other engineers left for the day. I briefly registered food in front of me, but a
little while later I looked down to take a bite and it was gone, leaving only mustard smudges on my fingertips. After a long time it
started to get dark, the lab getting a lot of its light from large windows. I turned on a light and sat back for a moment, wondering if
it was the glasses that were giving me a headache. I took them off and rubbed the bridge of my nose.
"Trunks?" I didn't turn my head, but Goten moved over to me and wrapped arms around my neck. I found myself leaning back
into him without even realizing.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Don't," I told him, sighing. "It's too complicated to worry about, sweet Goten."
"What are you doing?"
I pulled him into my lap and pointed it out bit by bit. "Sounds dull," he decided at last.
"I guess it is. But it's relaxing."
"It sounds familiar... isn't that the one Bulma-san said they'd have to go to conference with?"
"I don't know," I replied thoughtfully. "Just, today she told me it was my project now. I know I've been slacking off about my
work, what with school and you..." Goten turned and kissed me gently, and I was glad for him, even though work suffered. I
buried my nose into his neck and inhaled. "Where did you go?"
"There's this tree, about yea high, so ever many kilometers away..."
"Were you that upset?"
"I don't know. I tried." I know what he really meant.
"Yeah." I kissed him on the cheek and he turned backwards in my lap. For some reason I opened my eyes when my chin was
over his shoulder, pushing my glasses up onto my face and hands settling down at the keyboard to work.
"You're working still?"
"You relax me," I told him, totally innocent of added humor this time. The only sound for a short while was my fingertips clacking
down the keys, and occasional beeps from the computer as it finished a computation.
"You're such an adult," Goten told me, sounding disgusted. "And it's cold in here. Come get something to eat."
"But I'm-"
"Come on," he insisted, rising and pulling me up by the arm. I stood still, and looked at him. He tried to pull me but couldn't. He
stopped and looked solemnly up into my face. "I know what you're thinking."
"What am I thinking?" I asked, curious.
"You're thinking I gave up. Well, yeah. I mean, why should we tell them twice if he doesn't understand it on his own?"
It's not telling Goku-san that's the problem. You don't wanna tell my mom. Goten gave me a look as though he were reading
my thoughts, but didn't mention my mother. "I don't see why he wouldn't believe that we were-"
"Well," I interrupted, "We're known as jokers. You are, anyway. I'd been in the middle of telling him something different, and then
you come along, and..." I shrugged. "No wonder he couldn't figure it out."
Goten cocked his head at me suddenly. "You really think my father's stupid, don't you?"
I was surprised. "Now when did I say that?"
"You didn't."
"I gave the impression?"
"Yeah, whenever you refer to him it's like he's a nonentity. Do you feel the same way about me?"
I could feel my eyebrows elevate and my glasses slipped somewhat. I pushed them up as I leaned back against the counter,
saying "Goten, I don't think either of you are stupid."
"We're just below your intelligence."
"I never said that either, or thought it."
"But you know it. It's true that my family isn't gifted like yours. But you don't need to talk about my father as though you were
your father." Goten crossed his arms as he looked at me with his lips pressed together.
Something about his commentary on my father stung me just the right way. "Goten, I'm not like him! I haven't exactly tried to kill
either of you lately, have I? I don't think of either of you as below me, okay? It's true that we don't totally relate in some subjects,
but..." I brushed a hand through my hair in thought. "It's subjective. We're so close that any dissention seems like a lot of
difference between us."
"That's shit, Trunks." Goten said it quietly, and I don't think I'd ever seen that seriousness on his face before. "We relate just fine.
It's just that you're the hereditary genius and we're-"
"Goten, drop it! Wanna talk about shit, that's shit. I don't understand why we're having this conversation!"
"And I don't understand why my father married your mother! If we're any indication, this marriage won't last," Goten said, and I
could tell he was just being pettish from annoyance.
"Well then, why are we together if we so obviously can't get along?" The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to
think or prevent. I opened my mouth to recant, but Goten beat me to it.
"Maybe we shouldn't be! I never wanted this in the first place!" Goten threw his arms out and down as he turned as though
brushing himself of the situation.
"Goten, hold on!" I called, pushing myself to stand, but he was already out the door.
There was a long silence in the abandoned rooms.
That last comment hurt. It really really hurt. I felt a stabbing guilt in my chest, and a heat in my face, behind my eyes. I took off my
glasses and massaged the bridge of my nose, feeling frustrated. What was the next thing that came out?
"Fuck!" I exclaimed. "How the hell did that happen?" I threw myself into a chair, tilting my head toward the ceiling. He's saying
he didn't want to be with me in the beginning? Well, he didn't, but I thought... I thought he could.. now, maybe... the terms
and emotions evaded my desperate grasp. I thought maybe now he loved me.
I want him to love me.
I fought tears by turning back to the blinding blue glow of the computer screen, waiting coldly for my next command.